Pondering #1

At this point in the cycle I am going to assume that grad school is not going to work out this year, and strangely making this assumption makes me feel much better about the whole deal. There are some programs from which I've not yet heard back, but even so, they may actually not even be the best fit for me anyhow. I'm already so busy doing so many awesome things that this doesn't really set me back, it just gives me more time to better up my badness.

The more I've pondered the luster of a purely academic career, the duller its enticing sheen has become. I'm not certain that I want to spend the rest of my life trapped in an office thinking thinking writing writing chasing funds and collaborators and students. There's nothing wrong with that career, it's the endgame for many scientists and most are very effective at commanding some incredible science from their desks, but I'm just no longer sure that I want it. As the sheen of academia has faded, entrepreneurship has become more enticing. I know it would involve a lot of the same office-bound paper chasing that I mention above, but that somehow doesn't make it less appealing. I think the primary appeal of it may be that the organization I build would be a product of my own devotion and charm more than bound by the strictures of bureaucracy and tenure requirements. I am terrified of complacent mediocrity (terrified I may someday see it in myself), and I'd much rather fail spectacularly than piddle along because there's a lot more to learn in failing than in middling.

However, right now I'm just a Bachelor of Science, not even a Master thereof, so I know that founding a start-up now would be substantially more complex than doing so later after I've attained more letters behind my name and the experience (wisdom?) that goes with them*. So grad school remains as a goal, I'm just content at the moment to polish my street cred and scientific credentials to help me get in next year rather than be disappointed by this year's rejection.

*This may not stop me anyhow right now.

Consultant Toaster

I have decided to do some consulting on the side to bring in some extra dough. And by dough, yes, I do mean that I will accept payment in cookie dough, but it better not be peanut butter cookie dough or I will cut someone*. Seriously, peanut butter belongs with jelly on bread, NOT IN MY COOKIES!

Anyway, I have noticed a large number of people who complain about the greater-than-desired circumference of their waistlines very often. I cannot force these people to do sensible things such as eat better or exercise more regularly, and I am wholly unqualified to perform bariatric surgery. Therefore, I will help motivate them to exercise more intensely.


For just $20/session, Toaster will chase you full-speed with a pointy stick. You supply the pointy stick! Each time you slow down or stop fearing the stick, Toaster will give you a gentle jab with the stick to re-motivate you.

And for just $50/session, Toaster will come to your house in the morning and ambush you with not just one, but TWO pointy sticks as you walk to your car and chase you all the way to the nearest health food store, lurk ominously until you have purchased low-calorie, high-fiber foods, and then chase you back to your home screaming obscenities in a foreign language of your choosing!

Toaster is offering this service for a limited time only because he is well aware of the rate at which people lose their convictions to stick to their New Year's Resolutions. So don't delay, email Toaster now to schedule your first one-on-one personal weight-loss consulting session!!!

*Even if that means drawing a hotsauce face on a block of tofu and slashing at it.