19 February, 2007

Endocrine Stuff

While pondering a post up at Alternet about how widespread endocrine disruptors are in modern society, I wrote the following in response:

Humans are, more or less, nothing more than tottering sacks of chemicals in the first place, so it is only natural that we would seek to augment the messiness of our own chemical nature with chemicals of our own making.

But in the meantime, take some more chemicals!

Are you concerned that your little boy is too full of antiandrogenic chemicals to become virilized to the full extent that he otherwise would? Then shoot the kid up with some extra testosterone (warning: acne, aggressiveness, shrinking testicles), aromatase inhibitor (warning: not guaranteed to work), or luteinizing hormone (warning: may exacerbate effect)!

Think that your breasts haven't developed to their fullest capacity? Then shoot up some human chorionic gonadotropin (warning: may induce nausea), prolactin (warning: may stimulate lactation in addition to breast growth), or oxytocin (warning: addictive)!

Do you suspect that your metabolism is too slow? Then take some extra thyroxine (warning: may cause eyes to bulge out, irritability, shakiness, persistent feeling of cold, and trouble sleeping)!

Do you feel fat? Then perhaps some extra glucagon (warning: may mimic and/or cause diabetes) is right for you! Shed those pounds away as the breakdown of glycogen, lipids, and proteins is stimulated and converted to energy!

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