25 February, 2009

Mad Science: Zeppelin

I picked up the local newspaper this morning and, sonofamothercrap!, someone managed to snap a picture of my zeppelin! I was out piloting it around town, low, just above the trees, the freezing winter air humming gently through my 3 jet engines (they're quiet because they funnel air into dense little triangles), in "light-bending" stealth mode no less, when someone on the ground below got this picture (I don't know exactly how they got this perspective, I wasn't close to any of the high-rise buildings in town, but maybe someone in one of them has a long-range camera). I mean, it's reassuring that this photo is so blurry; my stealth features are obviously working to some degree, but obviously I'll need to work on improving them. It could be that the power draw from shooting my plasma cannon (yes, it does have a laser sighting bead, and no my floaty isn't filled with combustible hydrogen, it's got MegaHelium instead [it's fun to go to concerts and vent the floaty at the stage]) weakened my cloaking devices and allowed some light to bounce off of my hull. Maybe I'll have to be more careful and more discriminating in choosing which asshats' shoes I melt to the pavement while they're wearing them (if you intend to wage war against me [ahem, Hermitage!], I recommend you start wearing wooden shoes, like clogs, although I cannot guarantee that they won't combust). For reference, that meshy grill looking thing at the front is about 7m high.

Still, though, I've got a sweet ride, huh?

Still, not as big as this:
This is the Graf Zeppelin in flight over Danzig.

One day I will build one that big, and it'll even have an improved secondary drive train (even better than the current TurboPolka auxiliary system) and a self-contained laboratory(!), and on that day that I launch it and hover menancingly against a stormy sky...on that day...you will need new underwear, or something...and stuff...Yeah! It's gonna be awesome! Of course, I'm going to need fancier goggles and a couple of Tesla coils mounted on the rudder, just for extra (Victorian? Steampunk?) street cred.

Sometimes I think that perhaps I was born into the wrong century...but only until I remember the Internet.


biopunk said...

Sweet! Could you post some sound files so we could hear the engines? And just how small can one get a Tesla coil these days? I will be looking up more for sure, oh great uberlord of the skies...

DuWayne Brayton said...

Bloody damned awesome!!

Unfortunately, my burgeoning career as a zeppelin builder was cut short when I was only eight and accidentally produced too much of the gas that thankfully wasn't the hydrogen I was trying to produce. My parents restricted my access to chemicals after everything in the laundry room was covered in soot - including my friend and I.

Damned parents restraining my creativity!!! (not that I won't pay extra close attention to my own kid's during their forays into creative chemistry)

Toaster Sunshine said...

I've tried recording (cello mostly) in the zeppelin whilst anchored as it's a rather inspiring location. However, the electromagnetic interference from the cloaking devices screw with the microphone so badly that I only really get terrible feedback noises. Strangely, though, I have found that I am able to amplify from solid-state sound sources, like humbucker pickups. So unless someone on the ground manages to capture the sound of my airship, I think you're going to have to be disappointed (cloaking devices are necessary so that the state can't catch me and demand I license it).

Perhaps you should try to build one again. It's a delightful means of conveyance, although admittedly impractical. Parking is a bitch and a half.

DuWayne Brayton said...

I don't know, with a cloaking device, it shouldn't be too bad - as long as you only "drive" to rather tall buildings with roof access and somewhere to tie off....

Juniper Shoemaker said...

That guy who writes the shitty grocery-aisle books about the Crown family says that the biggest of zeppelins was dubbed "The Maiden's Dream". Back in the day. And he's, like, 200 years old!