1) Make food:
- Bake cookies. Perhaps cayenne pepper, cinnamon, Tobasco, dark chocolate cookies would be tasty. Note: first learn how to bake.
- Make and consume these.
- Cook something more than pizza and frozen burritos*.
- Take apart defunct laptop, fix, and reassemble.
- Construct tiny vacuum cleaner to get cookie crumbs and charcoal shavings out of my computer keyboard.
- Build computer speakers. Not sure whether to use this or that as a chassis.
5) Rock the fuck out:
- Begin each morning by rocking out.
- End each night by rocking out.
- Rock out in the lab.
7) Grow stuff.
- Try to grow a beard, just to see if anyone notices***.
- Grow something edible.
- Grow my hair back out of this stupid, doofy haircut I mistakenly went and got. With this, I look more like a normal scientist than a Mad Scientist, and this displeases me. To the credit of my scalp, however, it is forming multiple cowlicks despite the shortness.
- Continue growing muscles to become less scrawny. Having the approximate physique of a stick figure and the disproportionate head of an anime character has lost its novelty.
- "Toaster Sunshine; (contact info); Lisenced Zombie Hunter; Professional Mad Scientist."
- Resist urge to get "Pardon me, sir/ma'am (circle one), I couldn't help but notice you're a douchebag" cards and hand them out as needed.
- Force myself out of my lair and interact with humans in their natural habitats.
- Leave phrenology calipers at home as these will probably not endear me to anyone.
- Don't talk about Mad Science when first meeting someone to avoid scaring them away.
- Suppress Mad Scientist Laugh in public.
- Do not wear top hat to happy hour, as this might be construed as rude.
- Quantify human body language. May need calipers for this.
- Drink more? My liver has gotten pathetically complacent.
11) Gather data around hypothesis that "charm" is just "normal social graces" integrated over a power law with range 5 to infinity (Blogger interprets proper mathematical notation as an in-line html style tag).
*The 4 Food Groups of Toaster: frozen burritos, sushi, cookies, and orange juice.
**For non-nerds, that corresponds to Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Super Mario Galaxy, respectively.
***Last time Toaster tried to grow facial hair no one noticed for weeks, likely because it is blond and therefore only visible in limited lighting contexts.
Also: COOKIE PORN!!!